| Learning how to do things is what I have been doing all my life
ever since I was a child. When I was a little child, the most
significant question was how to obey and please my parents.
I had joy following what my parents have taught me, at least until
I realized that my parents didn't know everything right.
I began to search for how to live better than the life my parents lived.
In school, I learned how to solve problems and pass various exams.
In fact, after many years of studying, I was able to come up with
my own theory of how to study effectively. How I should manage
my time efficiently. But the same principles didn't apply when
I was struggling to understand the concept of physics. Going
through the graduate school, I soon realized my limitation in
understanding in the very areas of my study.
At church, I learned how to be saved and become a Christian.
Yes, by accepting the Christ, it was exciting and simple.
There was joy seeing the outcomes of my efforts being paid off.
There was joy when people recognized me as a godly person because
of the way I carried out myself following godly principles.
I struggled to learn how to find God, how to make a living, how
to make the ministry work, how to deliver messages so that people
will be enlightened, how to make my relationship work ....
As a college group leader. I struggled to learn how to become
a powerful servant who can turn minds of the people back to God.
I prayed, read the bible, read writings of other servants, and
prepared the scripts to deliever to students every week.
Students were struggling with questions, how to make godly choices
for majors, spouses, jobs, etc. I tried to answer those questions
with all I knew "how to do". I often advised them to pray to God.
to wait for his confirmation, and to read bible. But i noticed
that they all struggled anyway. I also struggled seeing them
struggling. But I kept asking more from the leaders, for their
dedication, for their willingness to spend their precious time
to build the body together. I have kept many people busy by executing
numerous programs, bible studies, friday worships,leaders meetings,
cell group meetings. I knew I was draining out. My family was
suffering, too. I knew the concept of the Lord doing it as well.
But I was failing ... I didn't know clearly why I was failing but
I knew I was failing.
After a shameful, guilty withdrawal from the ministry, I lost
hope of seeing any genuine fruit in me. Church wise, we had
experienced the terrible loss of our senior pastor and we were
going through a new pastor search process. It was then, the Lord
has awaken me through the pastor search process that I was
missing the point. When the deacons had a phone interview with
Pastor Kim, his answers were miserably simple that made me wonder
if he knew anything else but "Jesus is the Christ". In fact,
I didn't perceive that he will be the right candidate for the senior
pastor at first. But we now know what has happend.
After a while, the Lord has awaken me to see that I was asking
the WRONG questions. I was never taught to ask the RIGHT question
all my life. That is, WHAT IS THE TRUTH?. To be honest, I didn't
have struggles in me to know the TRUTH. Only after my failure,
I began to ask that question. Oh, How I praise Him..
Once the TRUTH is made known to me. I no longer felt the need
for how-to-dos. I finally understood that I didn't know the GOSPEL.
I was missing the whole point and everything began to make sense.
I Know that I will continue to struggle while I am in this flesh
but at least I know WHY. I was able to understand SIN better,
the impacts of the SIN.
"Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"(Matthew 19:16)
This is the same WRONG question that I have been asking all along.
In every aspect, I have been asking that question even for serving
the Lord. Jesus answered "Why do you ask me about what is good?".
The TRUTH is that JESUS himself is the answer to everything.
Why couldn't I serve Him faithfully? Why couldn't I bear fruit?
Why did I have to struggle so much? I now know the answer that
I DIDN'T know the TRUTH. In fact, it took me a divine mirachle
to know it.(Matthew 16:17)
Knowing that "Jesus is the Christ" in ALL aspects beyond
my salvation is a life-chaning discovery. I no longer want to
struggle with my mere existence on earth, I rather want to struggle
with spiritual battles to fight off the enemy. Knowing the TRUTH
enables me to know the enemy correctly, therefore enabling me to
fight the fight more effectively by tapping into the power that is
given to me. When the TRUTH awakened me, I knew of the power that
is given to me and I knew that GOD is changing me from a spiritual
patient into a mighty warrior for His kingdom.
It is my conviction and struggle to pray that God will give the
Sprit of wisdom and understanding that our brothers and sisters
will know the TRUTH, God Himself (Ephesians 1:17). It will
truly liberate us from our struggles to know how-to-dos (John 8:32)
because we can enter a totally different dimension in Christ.
We will all have new struggles but only to gain victory in Him.
That'll be the greatest joy that will keep us going until His
kingdom comes. |
